goodbye, grandma. I love you.

Today I felt the need to visit grandma again. I went into her room, and she was breathing very heavily. I saw the look of death upon her. The last two days I have been there, she was aware of us, and interacted briefly. She smiled and said a few words. I saw her spirit in her eyes, even though she could not talk.

Today, I am not sure where her spirit was. Her body looked like just a breathing body with no spirit. I wonder what goes on in those last few moments. It hurt to watch her like that. I silently pleaded with the Lord to take her soon, and I pleaded with her to go. My Aunt Chris, Uncle Joel, Uncle Ken, and Jaque and Jim were there. Most left the room after a while. I took her hand, and it didn't feel like her any more. I kissed her and told her that I love her. I turned back to look at her, and it seemed to me that she was gazing heavenward. Her eyes had been closed most of the time I was there, but they were opened and gazing off as I left.

I got into my van, and sobbed on the way home. I knew this was it. Sure enough, I got a phone call from my Aunt Chris just a few moments after I got home telling me that she was gone.

I am so happy for grandma. What joy. What a reunion she is having this very moment. Grandpa, I know, has been waiting impatiently for her. If spirits cry with joy, I know that is exactly what my mother is doing. Grandma is even a grandma there- my little sister Ashley, who died with my mom is there, Eleisha- my sweet little cousin who died when she was four months old is there. Grandma's brother, two sisters, and parents are there with her. I could tell, because I know her so well that she was having a hard time leaving this mortal life. She loves us, and did not want to leave us. I will miss her beyond words. I keep having break downs. It seems surreal and impossible that Grandma is not here anymore. It's hard to grasp. She has been such a rock in my life. She loves me in a way that doesn't happen many times in a lifetime. She is a precious, sweet, gracious person. I am so thankful to know that she is just as alive as I am. She is more alive than she has been for several years. I am so thankful that she is feeling peace. I know that she is. I will be looking forward to hugging her again.